gym, manliness, weight lifting, weight training

Gym Rules for Men

These rules are a matter of preference. If you prefer to be regarded as a man, follow them.

1. Leave the lifting mittens in your wife’s closet.

Don’t tell me they improve your grip. If your hands are that sweaty, wipe them with a towel. A benefit of weight lifting is having strong, calloused hands. Don’t shun callouses—take pride in them. If you are wearing lifting mittens, don’t ask me to spot you.

2. Leave the tank-tops in your wife’s closet.

If your biceps are big enough to show off, they will show through a normal T-shirt. All the tank does is creep out the girls. They don’t want to see your back hair. And your wife doesn’t want you to dress like she does. Be a man; wear a T-shirt or sweatshirt.

3. Stay out of the women’s “Just Abs” class.

Unless you’re obviously gay, if you are the only guy in the lady’s class they will all assume you’re a creeper.

4. Don’t offer to spot a girl whom you don’t know.

If she wants a spot, she will ask. Trust me—she’s not “just being shy.” Keep it up, and she may kick your ass.

5. Don’t offer unsolicited advice.

You may be the one who is wrong. Even if you are right, your advice will not be met with thanks. No one likes a know-it-all.

6. Don’t talk to the girls wearing ear buds.

The ear buds mean, “Don’t talk to me; I’m here to train.”

7. Don’t wear ear buds.

If the big, muscled up ex con is going to target someone, it will be the dude wearing the lifting mittens and ear buds.

8. Don’t think anyone gives a rip how much you just lifted or are about to lift.

If I hear you grunting and slamming and see you looking around to see who’s watching, I’ll make damn sure I don’t look at you. I’ll also take my time on the equipment you’re waiting for. And the girls will roll their eyes if they even notice you to begin with. Guys like you are the reason they wear ear buds.

9. Don’t talk to strangers in the locker room.

No one wants to talk to a naked dude wearing lifting mittens.

10. Don’t use the big mushy balls or the pink plastic-coated dumbbells.

On second thought, if you were thinking about using them go right ahead; they were made for you. In the meantime, I’ll teach your girlfriend how to use the barbell.  



About Nowhere Tribune

A husband and daddy, striving to love his neighbors and be kind to his pets. I love good food, good beer, and a few good friends. My other interests are hiking, taking walks, lifting weights, reading books by manly authors like Hemmingway and Twain, and splitting fire wood with my bare hands.


2 thoughts on “Gym Rules for Men

  1. Lol nice. When I gym I rarely talk to anyone, I’m there to focus on my workout first and foremost. Anything else is just a distraction. The one about offering unsolicited advice is definitely true. Another thing which annoys me at the gym is people who leave their towels by machines and then expect other people to not use them while they’re away chatting with their mate.

    Posted by TheCovertAtheist | April 23, 2018, 8:34 pm

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