A local CrossFit competitor is in the hospital after last Saturday’s games in Dallas. According to Sally Shortcake, things went south when she remembered a bit of advice from her coach.
“I was in the snatch part of the contest,” said Sally. “I had the barbell overhead. It was my PR. (Yay!) Just then, I remembered Coach Fitz telling me to ‘Let go and let God.’ The next thing I know, I woke up here.”
We caught up with Coach Fitz at his gym, the Bible Box, which is housed and funded by Mega-Hip Baptist in Southlake.
“You know, other coaches tell clients that progress is seventy percent diet, thirty percent exercise,” he said. “Here at the Bible box, we tell our clients that it’s ninety percent prayer, and ten percent fasting. ‘Let go and let God’ is a Biblical cue that produces amazing results.”
Cathie, Nowhere Tribune’s fitness correspondent, asked Coach Fitz for examples of strength or fitness gains resulting from the gym’s methods.
Cathie speculated that Coach Fitz was still in elementary school when Lewis competed in his last Olympic games and asked if he could prove that any of the athletes were his clients.
“You’re the skeptic,” Fitz replied, “so the burden of proof is on you.”
We spoke with Jenny Jolly, the pastor of Mega-hip Baptist, and asked if she approved of Fitz’s coaching methods.
“He does his thing and I do mine,” she replied. “Sometimes, we do our thing together, but usually not.”
We asked her whether the phrase “Let go and let God” was in fact Biblical.
“Who am I to say what is or isn’t in the Bible? That’s subjective,” she replied.
Meanwhile, Sally Shortcake plans to continue training under Coach Fitz once she recovers.
“I still think ‘Let go and let God’ is a valid training method,” she said. “I guess my timing was just a little off.”
We’d like to thank our affiliates at Sassy Fitness Chick for helping us with this story.
Note: This is satire and not real news. Nowhere Tribune sincerely apologizes to anyone who is confused or offended after reading this article. No CrossFit competitors were injured in the making of this story.