A young Abilene man spent the night in a local emergency room after receiving a thrashing from a female gym goer last Wednesday.
According to eye witnesses, Shelby Stewart, a regular Bro at the Crusty Crab Weight Shack on South 14th street, had it coming.
“The guy is obnoxious,” said an older gentleman between sets of squats. “If he walks in and anyone else is in the squat rack, he throws his gym bag across the room, usually scattering wrist straps, needles, and stretched out wonder woman panties across the floor.”
Louie, a 240-pound veteran weight lifter, was reluctant to comment but did say, “The kid never racked his weights. He needed someone to beat his ass.”
Lily Teacake, a 95-pound runner and gym member, was accused of assault by the six-foot-tall, 185-pound Stewart, but, according to authorities, will not be charged.
“I feel bad now, really bad,” said Ms. Teacake yesterday. “I mean, I’ve always been able to ignore his grunting and yelling when he’s doing curls, or the Justin Bieber music blaring out of his headphones. But when I walked into the gym yesterday, he had sweaty towels draped over every piece of equipment I needed. I threw the one on the leg extension machine on the floor, disinfected the seat, and started my set when he walked up in his ‘Swole’ tank and said, ‘Yo, girly, I’m using that.’ I lost it.”
Gym owner Tessa Jones said she heard a crash and ran into the area to see the cause.
“Just as I came around the corner, I saw Shelby getting up, only to get kicked in the side of the head again by Lily’s roundhouse. Everyone in the gym pretended not to see anything or hear Shelby’s sobs, but I saw several guys grinning. I just went back to the front desk and sat down. I had a lot of work to do.”
Roberto St. Pierre, another regular weight lifter, was one of the people present who failed to come to Mr. Stewart’s aid. We asked why.
“I might have heard something, but I don’t come to the gym to rescue pretty boys in distress. Any boy who can slam weights around like this Shelly, or whoever he is, can take care of himself. He always tries to win the attention of the ladies; he should be proud that he finally did.”
“Who?” said Sabrina Fox as she racked her 205-pound shoulder press. “Oh, the guy who struts in like a peacock with his gelled hair and spends thirty minutes taking selfies in the mirror by the dumbbell rack? I wanted to slap him. Good for Lily.”
Mr. Stewart would not speak to us, but according to his mother, he will recover. When he does, he plans to change his membership to Planet Fitness.