Apology to my teachers and classmates

I wrote this before I had any readers, and I thought it might deserve a re-post. It’s as close to an honest biography as I am willing to write.

Nowhere Tribune

That I was a discipline problem in school shouldn’t have surprised my parents. Mama had to give up her baby sitting jobs when I was two after I hit a kid on the head with my plastic hoe and bit the others. When I was four, I got kicked out of swimming lessons on the first day.

Mrs. Terry wrote my name on the board the first day of kindergarten. When I told my parents, they were proud. Proud until I told them that it wasn’t a reward; that it meant that I couldn’t stop talking. That was 1980, the first year I knew that years were marked by numbers, and that it wasn’t appropriate to talk non-stop.

In those days, our teachers didn’t need permission to paddle. They only needed a witness. I learned this in first grade when I pulled the chair out from under Angela Wolf. Ms. Anderson…

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About Nowhere Tribune

A husband and daddy, striving to love his neighbors and be kind to his pets. I love good food, good beer, and a few good friends. My other interests are hiking, taking walks, lifting weights, reading books by manly authors like Hemingway and Twain, and splitting fire wood with my bare hands.


11 thoughts on “Apology to my teachers and classmates

  1. That last sentence is a gem.

    Posted by Henry Rambow | August 18, 2018, 4:35 pm
  2. I’m sorry. My mom says I can no longer read your blog since you are an obvious hoodlum. 😀

    Posted by nrhatch | August 18, 2018, 6:06 pm
  3. I am jesus. I accept your apology in behalf of all the people you assholified. The curse is lifted. To hell with their hurt feelings. I am god

    Posted by jim- | August 18, 2018, 7:55 pm
  4. “Also, you’ll be glad to know that I’m not in prison, nor am I a lonely bachelor as one girl predicted. And although I’m not any more likeable than I was then, and my wife deserves your pity, I have learned not to bite or hit people with garden tools.”
    Haha, lol. 😀 That was a really messed up time. Glad you’ve learned your lesson.

    Posted by Tâm | August 19, 2018, 4:14 am
  5. My apology to teachers and classmates is so boring compared to yours! I never bit anyone, but I did once get sent out into the hallway after telling my 6th grade teacher I’ve never been to Perkins. That teacher must have really liked Perkins. Sounds like you made the most of your school days.

    Posted by Shayne | August 20, 2018, 11:22 am
    • You were probably one of the good little girls who would have given me dirty looks. Then again, saying you’ve never been to Perkins is pretty wild. I’ve never even done that. 😉

      Posted by Nowhere Tribune | August 20, 2018, 12:50 pm

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