animals, News, satire

Texas Cities Report Sightings of “Demon” Cats during Sunday Night’s Storms

This was the first piece of satire I ever wrote, and it’s still my favorite.

Abilene, Texas:

Residents of towns across Texas, including Abilene, reported sightings of cats acting strange during the storms that swept much of West Texas Sunday evening. The behavior seemed to take place across the majority of the state, but especially where storms were the heaviest.

Witnesses claim to have seen cats walking on their hind legs and making strange, moaning noises. Felicia Edwards, of Baird, says that she was even chased by a cat on its hind legs.

the-walking-dead-returns-know-your-zombies-131011-670x440-cat“It was horrifying,” said Edwards. “I was taking out the trash last night during the storm. It was dark, so I couldn’t see much. There was a crash of thunder, and more lightning. When the sky lit up, I saw a huge black cat on its back legs coming toward me. I was freaking out. I ran in and couldn’t quit shaking for an hour.”

The cause of the behavior is unknown, though some attribute the happenings to the storm itself. Meteorologist Kitty Franklin says that in older times, people believed that thunder in November caused a phenomenon known as the “night of the walking cats.”

“The night of the walking cats was basically just a night when cats did really creepy things,” said Franklin. “Of course, most people these days don’t believe in the night of the walking cats.” When reporters asked Franklin what she thought, she replied, “Who knows? Cats are creepy, right?”

Jamie Blackhawk, an animal behavior expert, assures residents that there’s nothing to worry about. “This night of the walking cats business is just a bunch of garbage,” she said. “Anyone who owns a cat knows that they are always creeping around and moaning. There’s nothing unusual about that.”

But others across the Big Country aren’t so sure. Mark Nutters of Clyde is taking his family to stay with their grandparents in Oklahoma for the rest of the week. “There’s another big storm coming, and it’s supposed to thunder,” said Nutters. “Who wants to be around when all these demon cats are lurking around? My neighbor has lots of cats, and they’re creepy even when it’s sunny. We’re getting out of here.”

A spokesperson for the Abilene police department says there’s nothing to worry about. But, he says, in light of the expected storms, residents should not let any outside cats in their house, especially ones they don’t know.

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About Nowhere Tribune

A husband and daddy, striving to love his neighbors and be kind to his pets. I love good food, good beer, and a few good friends. My other interests are hiking, taking walks, lifting weights, reading books by manly authors like Hemmingway and Twain, and splitting fire wood with my bare hands.

Discussion

8 thoughts on “Texas Cities Report Sightings of “Demon” Cats during Sunday Night’s Storms

  1. I’ve seen these damned walking cats, myself. I just appease them by giving them candy. They put the sweets in little bags they carry with them and disappear, leaving me unharmed.

    Posted by Tippy Gnu | October 31, 2018, 8:17 am
  2. “My neighbor has lots of cats, and they’re creepy even when it’s sunny” really made me lol. This had me thinking of The Master and Margarita’s Behemoth, I love it!

    Posted by whatsnonfiction | October 31, 2018, 8:18 am
  3. Creepy Kooky Catless All Hallows’ Eve to You! 😜

    Posted by ellie894 | October 31, 2018, 8:50 am
  4. Be careful as you prepare for Texas’s yearly onslaught of demon cats! I hear this November could be a particularly bad one, but a spray bottle of holy water ought to keep them at bay!

    Posted by Shayne | October 31, 2018, 10:52 am
  5. Cat people are weird. Our neighbor has a cat and they sit outside and watch the cat like it’s their child. The cat crawls under parked cars and gets in trees and the neighbors are outside trying to get it back to safety. The other neighbors let their cat in my garden where they shit and piss and eat my plants. They say cats are introverted but that’s not really true. They are just assholes. Sorry cat people but that’s my opinion. Plus I’m allergic to them so blah, I’d run away too.

    Posted by Michelle | November 4, 2018, 7:13 pm

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