satire

Cleburne Man Nominates Himself for Humble Citizen Award

CLEBURNE, TX—Clyde Haralson of Cleburne nominated himself for the Humble Citizen award to be given at next month’s Chamber of Commerce Banquet.

“It’s a great honor that I don’t deserve; I’m truly umbled to have been asked to nominate myself for such an award,” said Haralson in a news release he submitted to the Times.

According to Haralson, for the last five years he’s voluntarily stood on the back row of his church choir to keep from drawing attention to himself. Also, he’s careful to maintain a downward gaze and a contrite look any time he sings a solo.

“Last year,” wrote Haralson, “I gave a large portion of my tithes in cash so as not to receive praise. What I give is between my God and me. Also, when the Lord burdened me to confront the Pastor last month regarding his levity during the previous week’s sermon, I did so in private.”

The Humility Award is the most coveted award bestowed by the chamber, as it only goes to Cleburne’s finest. Many local business men, council members, bankers, pastors, and other politicians humbly display the gold gilded certificates from their office walls.

We asked Haralson who encouraged him to nominate himself for the award.

“They asked me not to reveal their names and I intend to honor that; I am a man of my word. But I will say that I was asked by many, many people to nominate myself for this award. People who are held in high esteem—much higher than I. Who am I, a lowly, umble man, to question that?”

About Nowhere Tribune

A husband and daddy, striving to love his neighbors and be kind to his pets. I love good food, good beer, and a few good friends. My other interests are hiking, taking walks, lifting weights, reading books by manly authors like Hemingway and Twain, and splitting fire wood with my bare hands.

Discussion

4 thoughts on “Cleburne Man Nominates Himself for Humble Citizen Award

  1. Heh-heh. I hope this award doesn’t go to Clyde’s head, or he’ll have to give it back. And that would be very embarrassing.

    Posted by Tippy Gnu | February 19, 2019, 5:55 pm
  2. Lord it’s hard to be humble 🎶🎶.

    Posted by jim- | February 19, 2019, 8:47 pm
  3. In regards to your About page, I too have imaginary friends. Ha!

    Posted by krcc | February 20, 2019, 9:02 pm

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