satire

Dad’s Sideline Coaching Wins the Game

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

BURLESON, TX—A local third-grade basketball player became the star during her league tournament last Saturday thanks to her dad’s instructions from the bleachers.

According to eye-witnesses, Katie Freeman of the Little Elks struggled to help her team during the first quarter. “Every time she got the ball, she turned it over,” said Clyde Witherspoon. “She was ruining the game; it was about time her dad did something.”

Sources tell us that during the 2nd quarter, an angry Bubba Freeman, Katie’s father, began shouting instructions to Katie. “It was amazing,” said one grandmother who wished to remain anonymous. “She started playing like a college athlete, which is what we expected from her to begin with. Her dad did play middle school basketball, after all.”

“When Bubba yelled, ‘D-up,’ the other team couldn’t get the ball past Katie. Every time he screamed ‘shoot,’ she swished it. He even began calling plays that she’d never heard of, but she executed them perfectly. It was a miracle,” said a family friend.

Pete Boswell, Katie’s coach, said he was grateful to Mr. Freeman for the help. “To be honest, I’d forgotten to teach my players anything. It was great that Bubba stepped up to coach not just Katie, but the whole team. Heck, he even helped the officials make the right calls.”

Katie says she remembers the turning point. “I tried to pass the ball to Sally, but the other team got it. Daddy yelled, ‘What are you doing? You’ve got to think!’ I realized that he was right–I wasn’t thinking. From then on, all I had to do was listen for his voice, and I never messed up again.”

We had the chance to ask Mr. Freeman about Katie’s turn-around:

“Even though she’s only eight, I knew she was better than most of the girls on varsity. If that idiot coach would teach them anything, I wouldn’t have to get involved. I think we’re going to skip league ball next year and go straight to junior college.”

About Nowhere Tribune

A husband and daddy, striving to love his neighbors and be kind to his pets. I love good food, good beer, and a few good friends. My other interests are hiking, taking walks, lifting weights, reading books by manly authors like Hemingway and Twain, and splitting fire wood with my bare hands.

Discussion

13 thoughts on “Dad’s Sideline Coaching Wins the Game

  1. Omgosh, I love the satire dripping from this post!

    Posted by kaylaannauthor | March 30, 2019, 11:00 am
  2. Looks like they’re at it again! Those parents really give you a lot of material.

    Posted by Shayne | March 30, 2019, 1:59 pm
  3. This is great! I can see it all going down! 😆 Also, how sweet that she says she listens for his voice!😭❤

    Posted by stephanieroath3157 | March 30, 2019, 5:04 pm
  4. I suspect this post was inspired by your real-life observations. At least of the Dad’s performance.

    Posted by Tippy Gnu | March 31, 2019, 5:24 pm
  5. Hilarious!

    Posted by lowlyj | March 31, 2019, 11:31 pm
  6. I like this. Its seldom we get positive influence from parents on the sideline.

    Posted by Darnell Cureton | April 1, 2019, 5:48 pm
  7. Great article! As a coach, I can definitely identify with this. I have tons of ballpark bleacher managers.

    Posted by Cory | May 20, 2019, 8:20 pm

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