Nowhere Tribune

A husband and daddy, striving to love his neighbors and be kind to his pets. I love good food, good beer, and a few good friends. My other interests are hiking, taking walks, lifting weights, reading books by manly authors like Hemmingway and Twain, and splitting fire wood with my bare hands.
Nowhere Tribune has written 205 posts for Nowhere Tribune

Blah, Blah, Blog Award

Nowhere Tribune got nominated for a “Sunshine Award” from, very fittingly, Kieran’s Bullshit Humor. Basically, he liked the post about rattlesnakes. And about me, he wrote: “I don’t always agree with him, but he is always agreeable and fun to read.” Fun to read is debatable. As is agreeable. For instance, I don’t agree that … Continue reading

Rattlesnakes I’ve Known

During my time in South Texas, Central Texas, West Texas, and the Panhandle of Texas, I’ve been around a rattlesnake or two. Like J. Frank Dobie said in his book, Rattlesnakes, they all have different personalities. Some are friendly, and some are bastards. Once on a ranch in South Texas, I heard a loud buzz … Continue reading

Man Who Doesn’t Believe in Random Violence Victim of Random Violence

A group of young gang members dragged a Dallas man out of his car, beat him, and stabbed him multiple times Wednesday night. According to authorities, nothing was stolen. Police are calling the assault a random act of violence. The victim, 38-year-old Maxwell Davenport, disagrees. According to Davenport, who teaches Social Science at the University … Continue reading

Young Abilene Woman Charged With Assaulting Talkative Co-Worker

Little Lily Teacake is at it again. Last summer Nowhere Tribune reported that Lily Teacake, 24, battered a male weight lifter at the Crusty Crab Weight Shack in Abilene.  Teacake was not charged with assault for that incident but wasn’t as lucky Monday. Late Monday evening, the Abilene police department charged Teacake with assault and … Continue reading

Dating Tips for Boys

Here is some advice that I wish I’d followed more consistently when I was younger, and that I plan to give my son when he starts dating. Be honest. Always. Even when it’s hard. Be yourself from the start. Be respectful. To her, to her parents, to the waiter, to everyone. Don’t be late. Ask … Continue reading


My great-grandfather was a coal miner from West Virginia. Not really, but I used to tell people that when I was a kid. He was, though, a rail road worker from West Virginia, and the rest of what I say about him is true as far as I know. Grandpa hated school. He once put … Continue reading

Hiking at Colorado Bend State Park

My wife and I took a weekend trip to Colorado Bend State Park in the Texas hill country last weekend. Our plan was to get a full day of hiking in, rain or shine. The temperature was in the low 50’s when we arrived; very cool for May. It was also drizzling, and the forecast … Continue reading

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