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How to Look Intimidating

You’re tired of being the wimp on the block. You want to be feared by boys and respected by bikers, yet you don’t have time to become a true badass. Here are some tips to help you look the part. Gain weight. Think of the movies. How many scrawny bad asses do you see? That’s … Continue reading

How to Be Grumpy as Hell on Friday (Ten Simple Steps)

Grumpy as hell does not have to be reserved for Mondays. By following a few simple steps, you can do it on Fridays, too. Here’s how. 1. Get home late Thursday night from a track meet after having fast food for supper. Drink several gallons of water to flush the grease out of your system. … Continue reading

How to Have Coffee with Ranchers in West Texas without Being an Ass

Dress normal. If you try to look like a rancher when you aren’t, they’ll know it before you sit down. Don’t be a clown. Stay quiet. Ranchers and farmers are friendly, but they are generally on the verge of losing their patience, especially during a drought. Don’t test them by asking stupid questions. Know the … Continue reading

How to Cook Cowboy-style Chicken Fried Steaks and Impress Your Girlfriend

This is the way I’ve cooked chicken fried steaks since the days when I lived in a hay barn in South Texas and spent my free time with horses and cattle. The simplicity makes it perfect for when you’re cooking on the ground during the fall round-up, or when you don’t want to make as … Continue reading

Shaving With an Old-fashioned Safety Razor

My senior year in high school, all the boys received a free Gillette Sensor razor and three replacement cartridges as a graduation gift. It was great marketing; I shaved with a Gillette Sensor and $.97 Colgate shaving cream for the next twenty years. During the last year, I’ve switched to an old-fashioned safety razor. Shaving … Continue reading

How to Smoke a Brisket

If you are a man, and particularly a man in Texas, it comes in handy to be able to smoke a brisket. Here’s what you need: A large grill or smoker. A foil pan. Mesquite, oak, hickory, or another hard wood cut into chunks. Charcoal. Brisket. I bought a 10 pound brisket from Brookshire’s, placed … Continue reading

How to Ride a Bull

You’ve showed up at the rodeo, paid your fees, and signed the waiver. Now what? First, you’ll need to know what bull you’ve drawn. Your “draw” is the bull you are going to climb on and try to ride. Before you get to the rodeo, it will be helpful to familiarize yourself with the vocabulary … Continue reading

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