This tag is associated with 48 posts

Man Who Doesn’t Believe in Random Violence Victim of Random Violence

A group of young gang members dragged a Dallas man out of his car, beat him, and stabbed him multiple times Wednesday night. According to authorities, nothing was stolen. Police are calling the assault a random act of violence. The victim, 38-year-old Maxwell Davenport, disagrees. According to Davenport, who teaches Social Science at the University … Continue reading

Young Abilene Woman Charged With Assaulting Talkative Co-Worker

Little Lily Teacake is at it again. Last summer Nowhere Tribune reported that Lily Teacake, 24, battered a male weight lifter at the Crusty Crab Weight Shack in Abilene.  Teacake was not charged with assault for that incident but wasn’t as lucky Monday. Late Monday evening, the Abilene police department charged Teacake with assault and … Continue reading


My great-grandfather was a coal miner from West Virginia. Not really, but I used to tell people that when I was a kid. He was, though, a rail road worker from West Virginia, and the rest of what I say about him is true as far as I know. Grandpa hated school. He once put … Continue reading

Tips for Men: How to Minimize Your Creepiness

Let’s face it, men. To 90% of all women other than your wife *, sister, mother, great-aunt, and (maybe) daughter, you are creepy. This is especially true of men, like myself, who are at or near forty and slightly balding. Think about it. What do all the creepers in 80’s stalker movies look like? Sorry. … Continue reading

My First School Paddling

JOSHUA, TX, 1980: Amber (not her real name) sat next to me in Mrs. Yonner’s first grade class. I did not like Amber. She was stinky and sneaky, and she stole little things—pencils and such—from her classmates. One weekend, my dad took me fishing at the Nolan River in Cleburne. I got bored with fishing … Continue reading

How to Write a Blog Post: Fifteen Frustrating Steps

These are the steps I follow. Can you relate? 1. Have what I think is a brilliant idea for a post. 2. Begin writing with the conviction that I am a genius; the funniest, wittiest creature alive. 3. Read the finished rough draft with shame; feel my face turn red with embarrassment. 4. Rewrite every … Continue reading

Dad’s Sideline Coaching Wins the Game

BURLESON, TX—A local third-grade basketball player became the star during her league tournament last Saturday thanks to her dad’s instructions from the bleachers. According to eye-witnesses, Katie Freeman of the Little Elks struggled to help her team during the first quarter. “Every time she got the ball, she turned it over,” said Clyde Witherspoon. “She … Continue reading

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