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This tag is associated with 24 posts

Houston City Council Cancels Summer 2021 due to Possible Heat Outbreak

Co-authored by our favorite reporter, Shayne, and our least favorite reporter, John HOUSTON, Texas—October 14, 2020: The Houston City Council voted to cancel the summer of 2021 during their regularly scheduled meeting last night after a heated debate.  Mayor Kitty Carroll was in favor of the move: “The safety of Houston residents is our main … Continue reading

Young Abilene Woman Charged With Assaulting Talkative Co-Worker

Little Lily Teacake is at it again. Last summer Nowhere Tribune reported that Lily Teacake, 24, battered a male weight lifter at the Crusty Crab Weight Shack in Abilene.  Teacake was not charged with assault for that incident but wasn’t as lucky Monday. Late Monday evening, the Abilene police department charged Teacake with assault and … Continue reading

Local Cow Herd Goes on Strike Demanding Better Treatment

BAIRD, TX—A local group of cattle is on strike until they receive the same rights as the horses, says a representative of the herd. According to the black Angus herd bull, Chester, the cattle are tired of being treated like second class citizens of the farm. “The horses sleep in private stalls each night, while … Continue reading

Cleburne Man Nominates Himself for Humble Citizen Award

CLEBURNE, TX—Clyde Haralson of Cleburne nominated himself for the Humble Citizen award to be given at next month’s Chamber of Commerce Banquet. “It’s a great honor that I don’t deserve; I’m truly umbled to have been asked to nominate myself for such an award,” said Haralson in a news release he submitted to the Times. … Continue reading

Tips on How You or a Loved Can Avoid Being the Next Victim of a Recent Crime Spree

An Abilene woman was robbed at gunpoint in her home yesterday after unknowingly bringing the suspect home in her purse. Police say there were two similar incidents last week. Nowhere Tribune spoke today with security expert Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear, on precautions you can take to avoid a similar incident. … Continue reading

Judge Proposes Border Wall Between Tarrant and Johnson Counties

FORT WORTH, TX—Tarrant County Judge Ben White proposed a border wall be constructed separating Tarrant County from Johnson County Monday afternoon during the meeting of the Commissioners Court. “We’ve worked hard to make Tarrant County a great place to live. And we’ve built a strong economy that encourages new business. But every day, thousands of … Continue reading

New Study Finds that Male Rabbits Rank Happiest Among Mammals

Special thanks go to Shayne for helping with this story. She contributed the good parts, and we contributed the rest. STEPHENVILLE, TX—Researchers from the Tarleton State University Department of Wildlife Science have concluded that, of all mammals, male rabbits are the most happy, relaxed, and confident. “We’ve conducted a five-year study of North Texas mammals,” … Continue reading

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