This tag is associated with 24 posts

Church Boycotts Starbucks after Worker fails to say ‘Bless you’

Sunny Bog, Florida: A local church is boycotting Starbucks after a young barista failed to say ‘bless you’ to a sneezy customer. Sources say that Anita Goodbath, tambourine player at Old Times Gospel Church, sneezed while waiting for her Venti Mocha Frappuccino and blueberry donut last Sunday afternoon, but Callie Carpenter, sixteen-year-old barista and Junior … Continue reading

10U Softball Players Write New League Rules Banning Adults from Games and Practices

Fed up with poor sportsmanship and bad behavior, a group of nine and ten-year-old softball players in North Texas voted last week to make long-needed changes to their league. “Things were getting out of hand,” said Hannah Wright, starting pitcher for the Beastie Bats and fourth grader at Little Tree Elementary last Wednesday. “We really … Continue reading

Male Weight Lifter Battered by Woman at Local Gym

Abilene, Texas: A young Abilene man spent the night in a local emergency room after receiving a thrashing from a female gym goer last Wednesday. According to eye witnesses, Shelby Stewart, a regular Bro at the Crusty Crab Weight Shack on South 14th street, had it coming. “The guy is obnoxious,” said an older gentleman … Continue reading

Texas Panel Pushes for Flat-Earth Theory in Textbooks

Austin, Texas: As the State Board of Education moves forward on the approval of text books for use beginning in 2019, several politically appointed panel members want to see “flat earth science” presented as a valid alternative to the round-earth conspiracy. “Neither round earth nor flat earth science provide all the answers,” said panelist Beth … Continue reading

Forecast Says Rain is Possible Within the Next Six Months

Big Country, Texas: Staff meteorologist Kitty Franklin says rain is possible in Northwest Texas over the next six months. “Although we haven’t had measurable rain since February, historical weather data shows it usually rains at least once between June and December,” said Franklin yesterday from her backyard garden of wilted garlic and dying prickly pear. … Continue reading

Fort Worth Man Dies from Overly Talkative Co-Workers

Breaking A Fort Worth man died yesterday after his eight-hour shift at the Tarrant County Tax Appraisal office. According to sources, John Smith’s death was a direct result of overly talkative co-workers. “When John came home yesterday, and I asked how his day was, he just said ‘shhhh,’ laid down on the couch, and died,” … Continue reading

CrossFit Coach Tells Clients to “Let Go and Let God”

A local CrossFit competitor is in the hospital after last Saturday’s games in Dallas. According to Sally Shortcake, things went south when she remembered a bit of advice from her coach. “I was in the snatch part of the contest,” said Sally. “I had the barbell overhead. It was my PR. (Yay!) Just then, I … Continue reading

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